Monthly Archives: July 2015

Melek Ta’us: Loyalty

A Month of Written Devotion for Melek Ta’us, the Peacock Angel

I don’t feel like I’ve been loyal to Melek Ta’us. I’ve been avoiding making a deeper connection with him, giving him the minimum attention I could. It hurt too much to open that door.

Well, it did. We’ll see if it does, in the future. If nothing else, this month of writing has given me a better perspective on my relationship with the Angel. I’d kept his shrine because I felt he had been an important influence on me, not because I thought I wanted to work with him in the future.

Now I’m willing to give that another try.

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Ember’s doing it, too: Month of Written Devotion


Melek Ta’us: Memories

A Month of Written Devotion for Melek Ta’us, the Peacock Angel

This month’s writing has been full of memories, the strongest of them. So much so that I fear I don’t have anything new for this entry. Well, nothing whole.

I remember when the peacock feathers started falling off the mask I made for the Melek Ta’us ritual for my class. It hit harder than I would have expected.

I remember setting up the new shrine space for him, in the new room. I was worried that the mask wasn’t fully visible, behind the disco balls.

I remember planning to make a new mask for him. I never made it, but I still have all the parts.

That’s enough for now. It’s late, and I have an early day tomorrow.

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Ember’s doing it, too: Month of Written Devotion


Melek Ta’us: Anger

A Month of Written Devotion for Melek Ta’us, the Peacock Angel

I’ve already talked quite a bit about anger and the Peacock Angel, in terms of my anger toward him for what I imagined were his slights toward me. Looking back with a somewhat calmer mind, and one less desperate for divine connection, I can appreciate that his using me as a connection to those more fully devoted to him wasn’t disdain, or even disinterest.

Melek Ta’us isn’t angry with me for my anger at him, so far as I can tell. He is patient and compassionate, if not always nice. I don’t imagine he’s incapable of anger–I believe the gods are capable of the full range of human emotion, for better or worse. I imagine I’m not capable of angering him.

He spent thousands of years in Hell. He’s doubtless endured far worse than my scorn.

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Ember’s doing it, too: Month of Written Devotion


Melek Ta’us: Love

A Month of Written Devotion for Melek Ta’us, the Peacock Angel

“All you need is love.”

It is important to remember that those Four Young Gentlemen from Liverpool were already rich and famous when they sang that line.

Melek Ta’us remembers this. He has love for all humanity. He also has tests, trials, chastisements, and strategic sarcasm. Love is, in fact, not all you need. Rent’s still got to be paid, messes still have to be cleaned up, and you still have to deal with people who have no love for you.

One of the gifts of Melek Ta’us is in not letting you get away with ignoring the not-love things in life. He’s the kind of god who will push you to do things you don’t want to do, but need to do. He’s the kind of god who will tell you what he thinks of you, whether you like it or not.

And he’ll do it because he loves you enough not to shield you from the sharp edges and rough roads in life.

Love is a motivator, not a solution. Love can inspire you to do all you need, but the simple fact of love won’t solve the problems of life.

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Ember’s doing it, too: Month of Written Devotion


Melek Ta’us: Make-up Assignments

A Month of Written Devotion for Melek Ta’us, the Peacock Angel

Well, I fell off the meme for a few days. All there is to do about it, is to get back on. So here are the days I missed:

Transformation: Well, that’s kind of the point, isn’t it? At least, it seems so to me. For any devotion, it’s about transformation, at least insofar as I’m trying to pull into my life energies and insights that aren’t already there. With regard to the Angel, I want more of that fierceness, that beauty, that self-sufficiency of regard that seems to be a part of him.

Understanding: My understanding of Melek Ta’us is shifting. Once, I looked his way and saw distance, untouchable beauty, and an “impress me or fuck off” attitude. I thought that was all there was, as if he were the Alpha Bitch of the universe. I’m starting to see around that, to see some of it is my own projection, and some of it is real, but not meant in purposeless cruelty.

Companionship: As with Transformation, it’s kind of the point, yeah? I want to feel the presence of my gods in my life. I understand that it’s extremely unlikely that I’ll feel all of them all of the time, but I’ll settle for most of them, more often than not. If I can get it.

Friendship: This may be too much to ask of Melek Ta’us. I don’t get the impression that he’s approachable that way, though I may be mistaken about that. I’m not sure what I’d do if I did get that kind of connection–or what it would do to me.

I see the difference between friendship and companionship as the level of intimacy involved. A friend touches us on levels a companion would not (not that way… that’s a Friend With Benefits), evoking a more profound response.

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Ember’s doing it, too: Month of Written Devotion


Answer Hazy, Try Again Later

Have you ever had dreams or visions sent by the divinities?

Well, I’m not sure, to be honest. My dreaming life has been mostly mundane, dominated by dreams of the sorting-out-emotions and processing-mental-debris variety. When I can remember my dreams at all, that is. Of course, that doesn’t mean that the gods aren’t in there, somewhere. Just that, if so, it’s usually so subtle I miss it.

Usually.

Recently I have been having periods of sleep in which I was fully conscious of being asleep, to the point of being aware of what the sheets feel like and from which angle I was drooling on the pillow, but also fully immersed in a dream. The significance here is that, for years, I’ve had a problem with trance/journey work. Awareness of my physical body has been distracting enough to disrupt my focus on the work, usually so much so that I’d end up just patiently sitting out the meditation time, trying not to get too frustrated with myself. I like to think, therefore, that these periods of being both dreaming and aware of the physical world are a kind of spirit-training, fixing the problem from the Other side.

I may just be having mundane sleep disturbances, I suppose. But I like my answer better, and maybe I am learning something, so I’ll stick with it.

One of the more recent of these involved having to carry the dessicated body of a dead woman down into some twisty catacombs and finding the right niche for her to rest in. And, to add to the strangeness, she was there, walking alongside me. This was one of the most real-seeming dreams I’ve ever had.

Talking to a Ghede, through a trusted medium, some time later, I was told that this was a working dream. That I was doing psychopomp duty, but that I shouldn’t expect it often, or read much into it. Sounds to me like the gods borrowing server time on my sleeping brain, if the computer metaphor doesn’t seem too odd in a mystical context.

There have been others, but they’ve been a bit vague, and I still get the feeling that they’re training simulations of some kind.

Still, I’m happy with it. I know people who have had far more complicated and bothersome dreams (follow the link below), and I’m grateful to have the ones I’ve got.

My lover Ember and I have decided to go through Galina Krasskova’s Devotional Polytheist Meme questions together, over the next several months. We encourage our friends to follow along, and welcome links to other people’s answers in our comments, as well as your thoughts on our answers. Ember’s answer can be found at her blog, Embervoices.


Melek Ta’us: Sadness

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Month of Written Devotion for Melek Ta’us, the Peacock Angel

There has been sadness in my history with Melek Ta’us. Much of the time, I’d felt he’d abandoned me–or worse, never been there for me in the first place. Just sort of passing through, and I was just a convenient door for him to step through.

I read back over that, and I’m afraid it sounds rather angsty teenager. That is how it felt, though.

I took a break from direct work with the Angel shortly after I left the Feri class. There were many reasons, but it all added up to needing a break. Since then, I’ve started looking at things differently. I don’t take it all so personally any more. Why should I? Melek Ta’us is just some guy I met in class…

Well, sort of.

But the point is, he’s not the kind of god who’s going to open up all at once. He’s the kind who’s going to be coy, to show masks, to be prickly until he’s ready to open. The things that made me sad aren’t just him. They aren’t just me. And it’s not so simple as happy and sad.

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Ember’s doing it, too: MWD-Sadness


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