Tag Archives: Feri

Melek Ta’us: Light

A Month of Written Devotion for Melek Ta’us, the Peacock Angel

I have rainbow disco balls on my altar. Little ones, mind you, only a couple of inches in diameter.

One of the folks I know did a devotional for Melek Ta’us, in which these disco balls were given to each of the participants. I forget exactly how they were used in the devotional, but I do recall why.

In the crowd where I met the Angel, we were focused, though not exclusively, on the Feri attribution of queerness to him. Partly, this was due to the fierce beauty of him, and partly to the trials he went through on the way to finding his love of humanity. He found beauty and love even in Hell, which seemed to parallel the struggles of many of the queer folk involved in Feri, as they dealt with discrimination and hate on a daily basis, and yet found beauty and love in their own lives, and in each other.

Given the specific folks I was working with, the Disco Ball, as a sign of the clubs where some found such beauty, and also as a sign of taking joy in life to spite those who would see us die, seemed a perfectly normal thing to use in ritual.

So to remind me of light, even in the darkest times: Tiny, mirrored balls. Seems good to me.

—–
Ember’s doing it, too: MWD-Light


Melek Ta’us: Beginning

A Month of Written Devotion for Melek Ta’us, the Peacock Angel

In Valerie’s Feri class, each of the students was asked to pick one of the gods we’d studied, and write a teaching ritual to introduce the god to our fellow students.

I picked Melek Ta’us because, at the time, I thought him to be the closest of the Feri gods to my beloved Dionysos. It wasn’t until later that I understood that Victor Anderson’s saying, “All gods are Feri gods” meant that I could worship Dionysos by his own name with the techniques I learned in Feri.

But, hey, it got me a new god for my altars, and who doesn’t love that?

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Melek Ta’us: Who?

A Month of Written Devotion for Melek Ta’us, the Peacock Angel. Published just a little bit late.

When God created Humanity, God ordered the angels to bow before the new beings. Glory to the new chosen, glory to the heirs of God.

Melek Ta’us, proud first son of God, first among angels, would not bow before the new beings. Glory unto God, Glory only unto God.

When God heard this, God was angry, and God gave proud Melek one chance to repent. Still the angel would not bow, and so God created Hell. Still the angel would not bow, and so God cast Melek Ta’us into Hell.

Alone in Hell, the Peacock Angel wept. For seven thousand years, alone in hell, the Peacock Angel wept.

The first thousand years, Melek Ta’us wept for himself. He wept for his pain, for the loss of God. He wept for his shame, that God would choose to exalt humanity and punish his first and most glorious son.

The Tears of the Peacock Angel, the first angel, filled and flooded Hell, and doused the fires of the pit. But the fires rose anew.

The second thousand years, Melek Ta’us wept, pleading to God for forgiveness. He wept, and promised to bow before humanity, if that was what God demanded.

The Tears of the Peacock Angel, the first angel, filled and flooded Hell, and doused the fires of the pit. But the fires rose anew.

The third thousand years, Melek Ta’us wept for God’s pain. He wept, for he realized the pain he had caused God for the sake of his pride.

The Tears of the Peacock Angel, the first angel, filled and flooded Hell, and doused the fires of the pit. But the fires rose anew.

The fourth thousand years, Melek Ta’us wept for Heaven. He wept for his empty throne, he wept for his work undone, he wept for his empty corner of the sky.

The Tears of the Peacock Angel, the first angel, filled and flooded Hell, and doused the fires of the pit. But the fires rose anew.

The fifth thousand years, Melek Ta’us wept for Earth. He wept for the flowers fading in autumn, he wept for the beasts that died to feed others.

The Tears of the Peacock Angel, the first angel, filled and flooded Hell, and doused the fires of the pit. But the fires rose anew.

The sixth thousand years, Melek Ta’us wept for Humanity’s pain. He wept for their sickness, he wept for their deaths, he wept for the pain they would give one another.

The Tears of the Peacock Angel, the first angel, filled and flooded Hell, and doused the fires of the pit. But the fires rose anew.

The seventh thousand years, Melek Ta’us wept for Humanity’s promise. He wept for the seed of glory inside humanity, he wept for the beauty of the human soul.

Melek Ta’us wept in joy.

The Tears of the Peacock Angel, the first angel, filled and flooded Hell, and doused the fires of the pit. The tears of Melek Ta’us broke the walls of Hell, and the fires died for ever.

God saw the blue-skinned, gorgeous Peacock Angel born anew from fire and flood, and apointed him the leader of the seven angels who would protect and nurture the world.

God saw the blue-skinned, gorgeous Peacock Angel born anew from fire and flood, and apointed him the special guardian and teacher of Humanity.

And God withdrew from the Earth, leaving it to the angels.

And Melek Ta’us looked out across the Earth, and saw Humanity rising in all its varied sexes and genders and colors, and heard Humanity singing in all its languages, dancing in all its homes on the Earth.

And Melek Ta’us loved what he saw.

And Melek Ta’us said to Humanity, Oh my dear children, sons and daughters, brothers and sisters. Oh my beloved, what beauty you will know, what lessons you will learn.

It’s a pity so much of it will have to be learned the hard way.

—–

Ember’s doing it, too: Who Is She?


Soul Retrieval

Earlier this week, I had a dream that continued beyond waking.

In the dream, I was exploring a strange landscape with a few friends. There was a low-key vibe of epic quest, if that makes sense; a feeling of weight and importance without an aggressive string section or bombastic drums.

The trip was some kind of magical training, a way of learning ways of being in the world. We were on our way home when we stopped at a sinkhole for one last exploration, into a labyrinth. We had to learn to change shape to navigate the twists and turns.

This is the bit where I woke up, winter sun poking me in the eye through an evidently too-thin sleep mask. But the dream held, and in it I encountered an ex of mine. The meeting was nervous, but not fearful. I looked at her and knew that I had left a piece of myself with her, and that here was an opportunity to take it back.

When she first appeared in the dream, she looked as she had when we were dating, years ago. I took her into my arms and gathered her in, willing myself to feel her as she had felt then. Still holding her, I stepped back, pulling my memory of her with me, into myself, and looking upon her and seeing her as she now is–or at least as she was the last time I saw her, several weeks back.

I told her what this was about, just before allowing myself to fully awaken. There were ways of being, of feeling, of exploring that I allowed myself when I was with her that I had not allowed myself since. If we are meant to learn things from our relationships (leaving aside for the moment the important question, “meant by whom?”), I learned things about myself with her that I associated so strongly with that relationship that I locked them away when we broke up.

This dream-act was my will to reclaim those parts of myself from the time/place in which I’d buried them.

First thing I did upon getting out of bed was to write The Black Heart.

The Black Heart of Innocence is a Feri thing, described by Victor Anderson, so:

How beautiful is the black, lascivious purity of small children and wild animals

I didn’t fully grasp it, when I was actively studying Feri. I could describe it; I had the intellectual definition down. But I didn’t know what it felt like, not until I retrieved a key piece of understanding it with this dream.

And thinking about it, this is what Melek Ta’us was giving me that time He stepped inside my skin when I was warding for someone else’s magic. I’d thought He was using me to get to her–and He was–but I did not appreciate what He gave me in doing so. I was so afraid of what I felt, even as I was going with it and giving in to it, that I did not see what He was opening in me, only what He was giving to her.

So much locked away in memory, buried treasure with only a fixation on the past to point the way.

What I learned of Feri practice was the cultivation of the Black Heart and the balancing of self so that it can safely manifest in life. I need to get back to that work.


The Black Heart

I want to reach out
Touch with hand trembling
With yearning hungry passion
I want to look out
See with infinite black eyes

To want and be unafraid
To bear a raw heart

I want to be filled
With need
Not emptied by fear
Full of hunger
That is not incomplete Self

Innocent of shame
Free of fear of falling

Wide open black fire
Burning dark in day
Swallowing all the world
Finding it pure
Silver and crystal and sweet water

Lascivious desire
Wide-eyed madness

Demanding nothing of her
But that she be fully
What she is
Asking only of myself
That I be fully
What I am

To take without hoarding
To possess without enslaving

I want to be seen
In my passion
And need
And hunger
And be seen to be whole

O Raving One
O Roaring One

Be You my mirror
In whom I see
My Deepest Self
Without the terror
I will see nothing at all


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