Melek Ta’us: Loyalty

A Month of Written Devotion for Melek Ta’us, the Peacock Angel

I don’t feel like I’ve been loyal to Melek Ta’us. I’ve been avoiding making a deeper connection with him, giving him the minimum attention I could. It hurt too much to open that door.

Well, it did. We’ll see if it does, in the future. If nothing else, this month of writing has given me a better perspective on my relationship with the Angel. I’d kept his shrine because I felt he had been an important influence on me, not because I thought I wanted to work with him in the future.

Now I’m willing to give that another try.

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Ember’s doing it, too: Month of Written Devotion

Melek Ta’us: Memories

A Month of Written Devotion for Melek Ta’us, the Peacock Angel

This month’s writing has been full of memories, the strongest of them. So much so that I fear I don’t have anything new for this entry. Well, nothing whole.

I remember when the peacock feathers started falling off the mask I made for the Melek Ta’us ritual for my class. It hit harder than I would have expected.

I remember setting up the new shrine space for him, in the new room. I was worried that the mask wasn’t fully visible, behind the disco balls.

I remember planning to make a new mask for him. I never made it, but I still have all the parts.

That’s enough for now. It’s late, and I have an early day tomorrow.

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Ember’s doing it, too: Month of Written Devotion

Melek Ta’us: Anger

A Month of Written Devotion for Melek Ta’us, the Peacock Angel

I’ve already talked quite a bit about anger and the Peacock Angel, in terms of my anger toward him for what I imagined were his slights toward me. Looking back with a somewhat calmer mind, and one less desperate for divine connection, I can appreciate that his using me as a connection to those more fully devoted to him wasn’t disdain, or even disinterest.

Melek Ta’us isn’t angry with me for my anger at him, so far as I can tell. He is patient and compassionate, if not always nice. I don’t imagine he’s incapable of anger–I believe the gods are capable of the full range of human emotion, for better or worse. I imagine I’m not capable of angering him.

He spent thousands of years in Hell. He’s doubtless endured far worse than my scorn.

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Ember’s doing it, too: Month of Written Devotion

Melek Ta’us: Love

A Month of Written Devotion for Melek Ta’us, the Peacock Angel

“All you need is love.”

It is important to remember that those Four Young Gentlemen from Liverpool were already rich and famous when they sang that line.

Melek Ta’us remembers this. He has love for all humanity. He also has tests, trials, chastisements, and strategic sarcasm. Love is, in fact, not all you need. Rent’s still got to be paid, messes still have to be cleaned up, and you still have to deal with people who have no love for you.

One of the gifts of Melek Ta’us is in not letting you get away with ignoring the not-love things in life. He’s the kind of god who will push you to do things you don’t want to do, but need to do. He’s the kind of god who will tell you what he thinks of you, whether you like it or not.

And he’ll do it because he loves you enough not to shield you from the sharp edges and rough roads in life.

Love is a motivator, not a solution. Love can inspire you to do all you need, but the simple fact of love won’t solve the problems of life.

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Ember’s doing it, too: Month of Written Devotion

Melek Ta’us: Make-up Assignments

A Month of Written Devotion for Melek Ta’us, the Peacock Angel

Well, I fell off the meme for a few days. All there is to do about it, is to get back on. So here are the days I missed:

Transformation: Well, that’s kind of the point, isn’t it? At least, it seems so to me. For any devotion, it’s about transformation, at least insofar as I’m trying to pull into my life energies and insights that aren’t already there. With regard to the Angel, I want more of that fierceness, that beauty, that self-sufficiency of regard that seems to be a part of him.

Understanding: My understanding of Melek Ta’us is shifting. Once, I looked his way and saw distance, untouchable beauty, and an “impress me or fuck off” attitude. I thought that was all there was, as if he were the Alpha Bitch of the universe. I’m starting to see around that, to see some of it is my own projection, and some of it is real, but not meant in purposeless cruelty.

Companionship: As with Transformation, it’s kind of the point, yeah? I want to feel the presence of my gods in my life. I understand that it’s extremely unlikely that I’ll feel all of them all of the time, but I’ll settle for most of them, more often than not. If I can get it.

Friendship: This may be too much to ask of Melek Ta’us. I don’t get the impression that he’s approachable that way, though I may be mistaken about that. I’m not sure what I’d do if I did get that kind of connection–or what it would do to me.

I see the difference between friendship and companionship as the level of intimacy involved. A friend touches us on levels a companion would not (not that way… that’s a Friend With Benefits), evoking a more profound response.

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Ember’s doing it, too: Month of Written Devotion

Melek Ta’us: Sadness

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Month of Written Devotion for Melek Ta’us, the Peacock Angel

There has been sadness in my history with Melek Ta’us. Much of the time, I’d felt he’d abandoned me–or worse, never been there for me in the first place. Just sort of passing through, and I was just a convenient door for him to step through.

I read back over that, and I’m afraid it sounds rather angsty teenager. That is how it felt, though.

I took a break from direct work with the Angel shortly after I left the Feri class. There were many reasons, but it all added up to needing a break. Since then, I’ve started looking at things differently. I don’t take it all so personally any more. Why should I? Melek Ta’us is just some guy I met in class…

Well, sort of.

But the point is, he’s not the kind of god who’s going to open up all at once. He’s the kind who’s going to be coy, to show masks, to be prickly until he’s ready to open. The things that made me sad aren’t just him. They aren’t just me. And it’s not so simple as happy and sad.

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Ember’s doing it, too: MWD-Sadness

Melek Ta’us: Happiness

A Month of Written Devotion for Melek Ta’us, the Peacock Angel

You know, I’ve never thought of Happiness in relation to Melek Ta’us before. Our relationship hasn’t been the best–it’s made me frustrated, frightened, angry… Never happy. I’ve always had the impression that he’s not a god who is particularly concerned with happiness. With learning, yes. Care, love, passion–oh, yes, passion–but not happiness.

I suppose my understanding has been that he’s here to teach and to protect humanity, but we’re responsible for our own happiness. That’s fair, really. Can’t ask for too much.

But still… If I’m responsible for my own happiness, then how do I go about being happy with the Angel?

That’s one of the things devotion is good for, isn’t it? You can’t have a happy relationship if you don’t have a relationship to begin with.

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Ember’s doing it, too: MWD-Happiness

Melek Ta’us: Soul

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Month of Written Devotion for Melek Ta’us, the Peacock Angel

So, I have to admit, this one stumped me at first. So, I did what any competent researcher would do: I started doing arbitrary web searches of “soul” and “Melek Ta’us” and combinations. On the page listed as the top result, I found:

“By developing devotional service to Melek Taus the soul can enjoy spiritual harmony and spiritual unity with God.”

So, has anyone coined a term for divination by web search? Warren Ellis listed googlemancy back in 2005, but the link to his source goes nowhere.

I’m writing these in small batches, and in my last post I lamented not having some idea of what to do to keep faith with Melek Ta’us. And doing this web search led me to this.

Funny ol’ world, ennit?

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Ember’s doing it, too: MWD-Soul

Melek Ta’us: Faith

A Month of Written Devotion for Melek Ta’us, the Peacock Angel

Faith is a tricky subject; there are at least two things it can mean. You can have faith that something exists, even if you don’t have proof. This is what most people mean, or at least seem to mean, when they talk about religious faith.

Then there’s keeping faith with–keeping promises and commitments, fulfilling obligations, that sort of thing. This is where I’m a bad polytheist, or at least a sloppy one. I don’t (usually) have trouble with the first kind of faith, but I often have trouble with the second.

Part of the problem is that I don’t know much about Melek Ta’us except what I’ve learned in Feri classes. I’m not sure what to do, to keep faith. Most of the sources I’ve found so far are either generically Feri/Pagan, or very outdated (and often blatantly racist) studies of Yezidi religion.

I am doubtless over thinking it. Keep it simple, yeah?

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Ember’s doing it, too: Month of Written Devotion

Melek Ta’us: Hope

A Month of Written Devotion for Melek Ta’us, the Peacock Angel

Melek Ta’us has never shown a particularly comforting face to me. He’s always been the teacher of hard lessons, the kind of teacher who uses sarcasm and silence to motivate you to earn their approval.

That kind of motivation doesn’t work so well for me. It tends to make me resentful and stubborn, and dig my heels in, or walk away. And then spend the next several hours beating myself up for my failure–After all, didn’t the teacher/coach/trainer just show me how little I was worth, with sarcasm and silence?

I hope to know a different face of the angel. Or, perhaps, to see the love behind the hardness.

Or, maybe, if I’m very, very lucky… To value myself in spite of the scorn or silence of people I respect.

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Ember’s doing it, too: MWD-Hope