Tag Archives: Month of Written Devotion

Melek Ta’us: Dark

A Month of Written Devotion for Melek Ta’us, the Peacock Angel

I am in love with the dark. It’s my favorite playground: night, shadowy woods, ruined buildings, gothic music, horror stories and creepypasta… My most common internet pseudonym, Uncle Dark, is partly in tribute to this.

But that’s not what I need to talk about today. It’s fun to find joy in things other people find scary, but that’s not the real darkness. It’s just a trick of perspective. The real dark in my life is depression, is anxiety. Sometimes it’s so bad, I can’t leave my house.

Sometimes, it’s so bad I can barely move in the world at all. My overall health suffers, when I can’t muster the energy to deal with the daily details of my diabetes, with washing, with feeding myself. My connections to others, even to the gods, suffers when I fear reaching out to others, fear that I’m forgotten, unwanted, and worse.

It’s like being in Hell. It’s like crying, alone, in the dark, in pain, until I find some joy again, and it lifts me out.

Melek Ta’us knows this. Even when I cannot feel him, in the deepest dark, he is there.

Knowing this doesn’t often help, but it’s better than nothing.

—–
Ember’s doing it, too: MWD-Dark


Melek Ta’us: Light

A Month of Written Devotion for Melek Ta’us, the Peacock Angel

I have rainbow disco balls on my altar. Little ones, mind you, only a couple of inches in diameter.

One of the folks I know did a devotional for Melek Ta’us, in which these disco balls were given to each of the participants. I forget exactly how they were used in the devotional, but I do recall why.

In the crowd where I met the Angel, we were focused, though not exclusively, on the Feri attribution of queerness to him. Partly, this was due to the fierce beauty of him, and partly to the trials he went through on the way to finding his love of humanity. He found beauty and love even in Hell, which seemed to parallel the struggles of many of the queer folk involved in Feri, as they dealt with discrimination and hate on a daily basis, and yet found beauty and love in their own lives, and in each other.

Given the specific folks I was working with, the Disco Ball, as a sign of the clubs where some found such beauty, and also as a sign of taking joy in life to spite those who would see us die, seemed a perfectly normal thing to use in ritual.

So to remind me of light, even in the darkest times: Tiny, mirrored balls. Seems good to me.

—–
Ember’s doing it, too: MWD-Light


Melek Ta’us: Forgiveness

A Month of Written Devotion for Melek Ta’us, the Peacock Angel

It’s only quite recently that I’ve forgiven Melek Ta’us.

At first, I’d thought he wasn’t really listening to me, and that felt bad, but not unusual. Then, he took me, gently but still forcefully, so he could physically interact with someone else. That one burned.

The reasons for that go back quite a ways, and they mostly don’t actually have to do with the Angel himself.

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Melek Ta’us: Beginning

A Month of Written Devotion for Melek Ta’us, the Peacock Angel

In Valerie’s Feri class, each of the students was asked to pick one of the gods we’d studied, and write a teaching ritual to introduce the god to our fellow students.

I picked Melek Ta’us because, at the time, I thought him to be the closest of the Feri gods to my beloved Dionysos. It wasn’t until later that I understood that Victor Anderson’s saying, “All gods are Feri gods” meant that I could worship Dionysos by his own name with the techniques I learned in Feri.

But, hey, it got me a new god for my altars, and who doesn’t love that?

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Melek Ta’us: Together

A Month of Written Devotion for

Melek Ta’us, the Peacock Angel

I was with my then-lover, now an ex-, in her backyard. She’d asked me to ward while she did some magical work of her own, and I was happy to help. I stood behind her while she did her thing (her story, not mine, to tell).

In my own vision, I was solid and quiet, a wall between her and the world. I reached around her, encircling, wrapping around and above and below. Things were going well.

That’s when I felt an itch on my back. An itch of the spirit, not the flesh. An itch where wings were scratching their way out. What the hell? I thought. But I remembered other times when I’d been warder, and had envisioned wings for myself, to spread around the witch I was warding. Sure, I thought, Let’s go with it.

This is the first important part, the vital part. I could have said no. I felt the beginning of the wings, and I knew I wasn’t doing it, consciously, but I chose to let it happen. For years, I blamed the rest on Melek Ta’us. But I let him in, knowing who was knocking.

Yes, I know how it sounds. Keep reading.

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Melek Ta’us: Who?

A Month of Written Devotion for Melek Ta’us, the Peacock Angel. Published just a little bit late.

When God created Humanity, God ordered the angels to bow before the new beings. Glory to the new chosen, glory to the heirs of God.

Melek Ta’us, proud first son of God, first among angels, would not bow before the new beings. Glory unto God, Glory only unto God.

When God heard this, God was angry, and God gave proud Melek one chance to repent. Still the angel would not bow, and so God created Hell. Still the angel would not bow, and so God cast Melek Ta’us into Hell.

Alone in Hell, the Peacock Angel wept. For seven thousand years, alone in hell, the Peacock Angel wept.

The first thousand years, Melek Ta’us wept for himself. He wept for his pain, for the loss of God. He wept for his shame, that God would choose to exalt humanity and punish his first and most glorious son.

The Tears of the Peacock Angel, the first angel, filled and flooded Hell, and doused the fires of the pit. But the fires rose anew.

The second thousand years, Melek Ta’us wept, pleading to God for forgiveness. He wept, and promised to bow before humanity, if that was what God demanded.

The Tears of the Peacock Angel, the first angel, filled and flooded Hell, and doused the fires of the pit. But the fires rose anew.

The third thousand years, Melek Ta’us wept for God’s pain. He wept, for he realized the pain he had caused God for the sake of his pride.

The Tears of the Peacock Angel, the first angel, filled and flooded Hell, and doused the fires of the pit. But the fires rose anew.

The fourth thousand years, Melek Ta’us wept for Heaven. He wept for his empty throne, he wept for his work undone, he wept for his empty corner of the sky.

The Tears of the Peacock Angel, the first angel, filled and flooded Hell, and doused the fires of the pit. But the fires rose anew.

The fifth thousand years, Melek Ta’us wept for Earth. He wept for the flowers fading in autumn, he wept for the beasts that died to feed others.

The Tears of the Peacock Angel, the first angel, filled and flooded Hell, and doused the fires of the pit. But the fires rose anew.

The sixth thousand years, Melek Ta’us wept for Humanity’s pain. He wept for their sickness, he wept for their deaths, he wept for the pain they would give one another.

The Tears of the Peacock Angel, the first angel, filled and flooded Hell, and doused the fires of the pit. But the fires rose anew.

The seventh thousand years, Melek Ta’us wept for Humanity’s promise. He wept for the seed of glory inside humanity, he wept for the beauty of the human soul.

Melek Ta’us wept in joy.

The Tears of the Peacock Angel, the first angel, filled and flooded Hell, and doused the fires of the pit. The tears of Melek Ta’us broke the walls of Hell, and the fires died for ever.

God saw the blue-skinned, gorgeous Peacock Angel born anew from fire and flood, and apointed him the leader of the seven angels who would protect and nurture the world.

God saw the blue-skinned, gorgeous Peacock Angel born anew from fire and flood, and apointed him the special guardian and teacher of Humanity.

And God withdrew from the Earth, leaving it to the angels.

And Melek Ta’us looked out across the Earth, and saw Humanity rising in all its varied sexes and genders and colors, and heard Humanity singing in all its languages, dancing in all its homes on the Earth.

And Melek Ta’us loved what he saw.

And Melek Ta’us said to Humanity, Oh my dear children, sons and daughters, brothers and sisters. Oh my beloved, what beauty you will know, what lessons you will learn.

It’s a pity so much of it will have to be learned the hard way.

—–

Ember’s doing it, too: Who Is She?


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